what's worse, winter or flying?

Kelly McParland: The 2010 dilemma -- what's worse, winter or flying?

Posted by Oped 1 hour 20 minutes ago National Post| kelly mcparland dilemma worse winter flying All

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Here's what you have to go through to even contemplate getting on an airplane these days:I'm thinking of a few days somewhere warm. Maybe in the desert, maybe on a beach. Anywhere that's warm.That should be easy. Check a couple of web sites, compare a few flights, get the cheapest one.Yeah, good luck.Air Canada's web site carries this notice, right at the top of the page:MONTREAL January 5, 2010 -- Air Canada and Jazz remind customers that new security measures imposed by Canadian and U.S. government authorities on flights from Canada to the U.S. remain in effect until further notice. As a result of these rules there are strict limits in effect for carry-on articles allowed in the cabin and longer security screening times at airports.Air Canada advises passengers that the new regulations do not permit carry-on bags on flights to the United States, with only limited personal items allowed in the cabin, and recommends customers consult Transport Canada guidelines at www.tc.gc.ca or www.catsa-acsta.gc.ca for details on permissible carry-on items such as a small purse, laptop computer or infant care items.
No carry-on, no backpack, no book bag. Maybe a laptop, but can you put it in a carry case? Who knows? Maybe it depends on the size of the carry case, maybe it depends on the mood of the security guy.So if you want to fly Air Canada you have to be prepared to sit there with -- if you're lucky -- a magazine. Three, four, maybe five hours, just sitting there, staring at the back of the seat. Where do you carry your ticket, passport, money and boarding pass? Stick them in your back pocket for the friendly neighbourhood pickpocket? Hold them in your teeth? Don't ask the security folks, they might think you're a wiseass and send you over for a full body scan by the heavy-breathing kid with the eager look on his face.Update: And don't ever, EVER be famousAnd remember, to be granted this privilege you have to show up three hours early and stand around doing nothing, hoping the flight isn't delayed due to security concerns. Like maybe -- horrors -- someone walks through the wrong door and the whole airport shuts down.Better to avoid it by driving to Buffalo, where they have a great little airport just 10 minutes from the border, and the flights cost half as much. For some reason you can cross the border, tell the customs guy you're headed to the airport, and he wishes you a happy vacation. Show up at Pearson International and the same border guy's brother eyes you like a terrorist.The trouble with U.S. flights is that you need a math degree to calculate the actual cost. In the U.S., your ticket no longer includes your luggage. "Oh, you want to take luggage. Herb, this guy wants to take luggage. That'll be extra." Here's the Airline Fee Chart from Expedia.com. Let's see: Continental charges $20 for the first bag and $30 for the second, both ways, so that's an extra $100 for a return trip with two bags. Delta charges just $15 for the first bag, but wants 50 bucks for the second. So the idea is to take one REALLY big bag rather than two little ones, because it's not the size that counts, it's the number. United charges $20 for the first, $30 for the second and anything up to $109 after that. Some of the people I've seen heading to Mexico would be bankrupt at that rate.
(Note: If you get on a Delta flight in Toronto, Transport Canada won't let you can't take hand baggage, so everything has to be checked. If you get on the same flight in Buffalo you can stuff as much as possible into a cabin bag and don't check a thing. This is logic in the war on terror.)The other thing with U.S. flights is that they never go anywhere without stopping on the way, like an old man with a bladder problem. And the stop-off isn't necessarily in the same direction as the final destination. Delta's home base is Atlanta, and every plane seems to be programmed to land at Atlanta before going anywhere else, no matter how far off line that takes them.So there's the choice: Fly from Canada, turn up three hours early, pay double the price, check every bag and spend the whole flight contemplating your cuticles. Or drive to the U.S., pay extra for your bags, and hope you don't have to change planes in Alaska on your way to Texas.
Maybe I'll just find a tanning bed instead. They don't give you cancer the first time, do they?
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